Man, my tiny apartment’s been suffocating lately. Empty corners screaming for green life but floor space? Zero. Then I spotted this sad snake plant dying in its nursery pot. Thought maybe I could lift it up – give us both breathing room.
The Big Idea Strike
Woke up Saturday itching for DIY trouble. Didn’t overthink it (that’s where disasters start honestly). Grabbed my crappy measuring tape – just eyeballed the space next to my trash bin. Yup, barely big enough for a stand. Width? Like maybe 18 inches tops.
Hit the hardware store – total chaos mode. Scanned aisles muttering “metal? wood? pipes?” Gots overwhelmed fast. Saw these cheapo unfinished pine boards. Rough, splintery, smelled like damp forest. Perfect. Snagged the shortest ones I could find:
- Two boards @ 24 inches (for top/bottom)
- Four sticks @ 16 inches (the legs, supposedly)
- A dusty bag of wood screws (size? no idea)
- Cheapest matte black spray paint (looked “industrial” enough)
The “Assembly” Horror Show
Laid everything on my kitchen floor. Mistake number one. No space to move. Knocked over my coffee mug – sticky mess everywhere. Great start.
Slapped the top board down. Measured roughly where legs should go. Held one leg stick awkwardly against the corner. Tried drilling. Screw went in crooked – wood split sideways. Cursed. Learned the hard way: PRE-DRILL HOLES. Grabbed thinner screws, poked pilot holes like my life depended on it.
Got one leg kinda attached. Stood the whole thing up. Wobbly? Oh hell yeah. Like a newborn giraffe on ice. Measured diagonals – unequal. Kicked a leg loose. Redrilled angrier this time. More sweat, more splinters. Eventually got four legs standing. Sorta.
Bottom shelf time. Measured distance up from floor – wanted plant pot clearance. Screwed another board halfway up. Major wobble. Realized legs weren’t perfectly even. Sawed off a wonky leg bit with my dull hand saw. Wonky results? Obviously.
The Painting Disaster
Carried my Frankenstein stand to the fire escape – drippy paint city later? No way. Put down newspaper over my tiny balcony. Wind immediately blew it away. Sprayed one coat. Dust stuck to wet paint. Bugs landed in it. Glorious mess. Waited 10 mins like an impatient toddler. Sprayed another globby coat. Results? Patchy black streaks, raw pine peeking through. “Rustic”? Sure. Fine.
Final Setup Victory
Dragged the ugly beast inside. Plopped my snake plant plastic pot onto it. Too big for the stand? Yup. Overhang city. Shoved it flush to the back wall. Looks janky but works. Cat immediately jumped on it. Stand held. Snake plant looks taller – breathing room achieved. Mostly.
Lessons learned? Measure thrice, cut once (I did neither). Pre-drill (bloody essential). Cheap wood fights back (hard). But for tiny apartments? This dumpster fire stand actually solves the floor-space issue. Mostly.
